Dunno why. Spent lots of money these few weeks. And finally decided to get myself a burberry blue label bag. See above. Costs S$370. A month plus back, was at $400. Wondering if I should have asked for $360. Maybe can get. Who knows?

Qn is when am I going to stop and what am I going to stop at? Its like I keep wanting more and more expensive things. As long as its nice, I don't really bother about the price. And I'm worried I'll get into debt. Like sign on credit cards and all and then no money to return. That will be disastrous. Cannot imagine myself getting into serious debt but if I don't control, this is a very true image.

Maybe I am not really happy with my life so I spend to make myself happier? Not too sure of the answer also. Maybe just want to own good things. Maybe just materialistic. Very scary thought. And the worse thing is, my wants never stop. I seem like a shopping demon. Yucks.

Btw many of my friends getting married le. Saw Lijun online on msn. She says she's taking leave 2 weeks later to prepare for her marriage. Wow... last time she couldn't find one that she likes. She's actually a very sweet-looking girl. And among her, qiuwen, huixian, huiwen and I, she got married first. Now come to think of it, its quite logical that its her first.

So fast, from what faculty u studying in to what job u holding to who are you dating and now, who are you marrying... topics change so fast, so hard to catch up. Not feeling too happy thou. hgedhngahng,mxa

Chit-chatting with him as usual. Talked about my Tibet trip with Huixian with him. Bought this Lonely Planet book from Borders. He also wanted to see this book and plan his lonely trip to Tibet. He prefers to go alone. And so he wanted to borrow my book first when I had bought it to plan for my trip. And I said I'll lend it to you after my trip cos I need this book to start planning le. Then he said he might just read the book then plan and leave next month or something. Put it plainly I am a bit angry. I bought this book for my trip and bought it now cos I want to start planning already. And now you said you want this book to read first and things like "then wo ze me ban?" Dun like it when things don't really happen as per what it is supposed to be.

Then somehow talked about this topic of putting your own interests first. I felt that he always sees himself as more impt and a lot of things that he does and says, its always geared towards his advantage. And he actually sees it the opposite. He says he feels that I put my interests first instead. When asked for examples, he said not that there's none, but he just he just doesn't want to bring it up. Sounds like those are really cases when I was real bad. Is that really so?

Maybe bah. Many times I felt that I am doing this and that for him and I complain in my heart. Maybe he saw through me. Maybe my facial expressions gave me away. Compared to him maybe I acted like as if I did many things but in fact I complained secretly to myself. Am I being true to myself? He doesn't act. If he is lazy he says he's lazy. He wants to be selfish and he acts selfishly. For me, am I just trying to be nice and then hide all my negative feelings? Or am I really so self-centered that doing things and then suffer a bit and I have to complain and feel like I am being short-changed? That I should be treated better. That he should be doing this this and that that instead of me. Why he didn't do this do that etc. Maybe all that were seen through bah. I should be more true to myself. And I should be a better person too. Don't always complain. Do things willingly. If don't like, then don't do. Do already dun complain, even if its complain secretly. It's bad. Bad for personality development. Morally too. Time to change.

I was very surprised when I tried to search online for fun places in SG and I found nothing. No sites to tell people where are the fun places and all. And I see posts of expats (mainly them) who tried comparing SG to HK and whatsoever places and SG seems like not fun at all. No wonder he always says so. Somehow SG is really quite boring. No places to go to. Only shopping malls. So sian, quite sad. The clever and bright people are all gone. To places that seemed more interesting. Somehow envious of those who can travel to other countries to work. Maybe its time I try to get out of SG. While I am still young. While I still can. While I still want.

And to all those who found SG to be boring... what is so boring? Is spending a day at home reading books boring? Maybe so for most. But after working for a week, isn't a rest what we want? Or do we have to go wakeboarding or bungy-jumping or climb a mountain?

And yah, I wan to go learn archery. Said it like many months back. Then its nov. And I haven't signed up. Pui.

21 months is up and I can finally get a new phone. My current one is rather slow and got some problems like sometimes no connection, people call and then can't get thru... but other than these, its quite ok. Exterior nice phone. I think I care about the exterior of phones a bit too much... really meh? But its going to be with me for at least 21 months. How can I just sui bian get one that's cheap? Then you see nicer phones around and then you regret for not buying that cos you want to save money. The feeling is not good loh.

But then again its really quite bo liao to spend so much money on a phone. The purpose of a phone is just to make phone calls mah. And to sms only. Once in a while take out in public place to use then if nice then wah! loh. That feeling is good de. Suddenly feel I am quite xu1 rong2. But its true mah. If you have nice and special things, its good. Who don't like special and nice things? And its like super dumbo to say that who and who is special cos she likes special things. DUH! If people can afford and can find, every single person would want loh. Who wants to be medicore and uses things everybody has? Who don't want to be special and stand out in the crowd? I think its very normal to like special things. SO SUPER DUH!

Suddenly feel that very simple things like getting a phone for myself becomes so complicated. Why har? 2 views, 2 extremes. 1 is that a phone will be with you for 2 yrs. So must get one you really like. Unless you are very sure, don't buy. But plan up liao leh... heart itchy to change. 2nd view is that a phone is only a phone. Why must get such high end one? Can use then ok already mah. It's true loh... but I dun wan mah. I want a nice nice phone. I want to get something I like. I don't want to compromise on something I don't really like for the cheap price tag. That's why I actually bear to spend money to buy nice bags, nice cosmetics, nice diaries, nice notebooks, nice clothes and every other things that are nice. Not that I don't know that nice things don't come cheap and money don't come easy. But people only live once in this identity. (Shall not dwell on whether there is afterlife) So if you can afford and you really like something, why not?

But then life is full of uncertainties. You never know what's going to happen and so money is the best tool. No matter what happens, it helps to have cash with you. And the pretty bags and clothes and all won't fetch you a single cent. Even if it does, it will never be as liquid as cash. So why not save up the money for something else? Something more impt, something that deserves the money more. Why spend on a phone? So just get some old model, pay a a few dollars and then get on with life. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See when then I can get out of this stupid dilemma. Stupid!!!!!