Chit-chatting with him as usual. Talked about my Tibet trip with Huixian with him. Bought this Lonely Planet book from Borders. He also wanted to see this book and plan his lonely trip to Tibet. He prefers to go alone. And so he wanted to borrow my book first when I had bought it to plan for my trip. And I said I'll lend it to you after my trip cos I need this book to start planning le. Then he said he might just read the book then plan and leave next month or something. Put it plainly I am a bit angry. I bought this book for my trip and bought it now cos I want to start planning already. And now you said you want this book to read first and things like "then wo ze me ban?" Dun like it when things don't really happen as per what it is supposed to be.
Then somehow talked about this topic of putting your own interests first. I felt that he always sees himself as more impt and a lot of things that he does and says, its always geared towards his advantage. And he actually sees it the opposite. He says he feels that I put my interests first instead. When asked for examples, he said not that there's none, but he just he just doesn't want to bring it up. Sounds like those are really cases when I was real bad. Is that really so?
Maybe bah. Many times I felt that I am doing this and that for him and I complain in my heart. Maybe he saw through me. Maybe my facial expressions gave me away. Compared to him maybe I acted like as if I did many things but in fact I complained secretly to myself. Am I being true to myself? He doesn't act. If he is lazy he says he's lazy. He wants to be selfish and he acts selfishly. For me, am I just trying to be nice and then hide all my negative feelings? Or am I really so self-centered that doing things and then suffer a bit and I have to complain and feel like I am being short-changed? That I should be treated better. That he should be doing this this and that that instead of me. Why he didn't do this do that etc. Maybe all that were seen through bah. I should be more true to myself. And I should be a better person too. Don't always complain. Do things willingly. If don't like, then don't do. Do already dun complain, even if its complain secretly. It's bad. Bad for personality development. Morally too. Time to change.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
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