Felt totally lousy... shit! Pui! Yucks!

Wanted to get this Disney Collection.
http://www.paul-joe-beaute.com/jp/seasonal/seasonal.html?page=1

It's not going to be launched in SG because there's no Disneyland in SG. What the heck! I guess it'll be a sell-out one loh. Dunno what the people are thinking of. No disneyland that's why all the more must lauch wat. Make pple want to go Disneyland. No brains. Tried to get a CP but was informed that there are more than 15 pple on the waiting list and chances of getting is like slim until slimmer than a pc of paper. Say will inform me if there are extras. How funny. You think will have meh? Stop patronizing me.

Next... is about him loh. WTH... Sms him a few days back to ask if he's free on Sunday. He says should be ok... then suddenly say need to eat dinner with his god-ma. So Sunday left with afternoon free. Morning he going church. When he's done, it'll be like 1 pm already. And his dinner is in Novena. If I want to meet him, then go Novena eat the chicken rice then go back. HOW stupid. It's like a 1 hr MRT ride to novena and to eat a half hour lunch with him then go back. Waste time only loh. After lunch I believe he believes there's nothing to do. He hates shopping. But besides eating and shopping, there's nothing much to do in SG. So he complains again abt how boring SG is and he wants to leave. OK fine... if it was me, I guess I would want to leave, say for a couple of years. To leave here permanently is not in my consideration yet. As a Singaporean, I think I still feel something for her. FYI I still keep my national day stuff... there's one year I managed to get tics to go see the live parade. Thanks to my ex. Haha.

Yah... so if he wants to leave, what can I do? There's nothing to stop him anyway. He also doesn't love me like as if without me, he'll die immediately. He prob has moments thinking how nice life would be if I didn't exist. You think he'll be that evil? Dunno... Ok... forget about the leaving SG stunt. I'll be sad lah... but life still goes on.

Back to the Novena chicken rice case... yah waste of time loh. But if I want to see him, I got to do it wat. Chances are we'll end up black face again. Its like so excited about being able to meet him then something must happen that makes my blood boil. And the whole romantic feeling about being able to see him vanishes like sparkles in a explosive way. So should I go or not? Actually I'm not so keen. I have got like tons of things undone and unbought. This sux.

Just a footnote in case I forget. I lent him $360 for him to pay his OCBC bill cos he cannot withdraw more than $2000 from his ATM card. Just in case he never returns me and I forget to collect, this post serves as a reminder.

I was blogging just now... for some reason somehow the page got lost. It always happens. Was saying that I went to buy 2 bebe clothes that costs around $140 each or lesser a bit. Bebe is considered a more luxury brand bah. I've always been a cheapo for clothes as I've never really bought any really exp clothes. Only jackets costs more than $100 and prob a black dress from LVER. Never have I bought tops that cost that much. But I think the material is good and I like the design. Afraid that I'll desire for more and more luxury goods. The thought of it makes me shiver. And yah... I don't have a lot of cash. So the more I think of it, the more scared I am. What if I become a branded freak? Btw that time when WK went Japan, I got him to buy for me 2 burberry blue bags. One of them I think was some miscommunication... he got me the wrong one. So think might sell it off.

I'm more shifting towards loving expensive things that has got quality or really nice and shifting away from the cheapo ones. Am I normal? Or am I getting more and more materialistic???

Had some communication with Yong Ming. Going to tree top walk with Huixian, Groovie and him later at 7+ am. He will come and pick me up... then somehow he said petrol v exp and all... and I got really pai seh and I din wan to be a leech. So i sms him to tell him that I don't want a ride from him and will go macritchie on my own. Then he called to say he's joking. Then I called him back a while later to try explain why I felt pai seh. Cos Huixian once said he complained about people using him as "Ahmad" cos he got car to use. I was afraid I'll be labelled as a lousy friend. And I wanted to have some dignity and not let pple hate me. Then later he sms me. Below are the contents:
"Hey silly girl. Don't worry. Im more than okay to pick you la. I always fetch my good friend aroud' and you are more than a good friend to me" Wordings and punctuations as actual.

After seeing that, I felt very touched and guilty as well... for suspecting that he was calculative and the petrol was more impt than our friendship. I guess I was the bad guy here. Touched also of the sms contents. Cos seldom you get such things from friends... reassurances that you are an impt friend. He's also my impt friend. To be really honest, I liked him before and kind of like really quite a lot. And thank goodness we didn't get tog... cos actually what we looked for were very different. And thankful that we didn't become like strangers after he told me he didn't like me. We transitioned into very good friends after the confession by me. And he was the very first guy who rejected me. And he was the first guy who hugged me even though we weren't together. And I was the first girl he hugged besides his mum and his 2nd gf. Would really like to say a heartfelt thank you to yong ming. I hope he can feel it. Thanks for being my friend.

The burberry bag that I bought has arrived! Went to collect from the seller called Phyllis on Thursday at City Hall. The bag is pretty big but not as big as I imagined it to be. Prob a bit bigger than my black patent leather Che Che bag. Its very roomy and can put in tons of stuff. So will be very good for shopping then can throw everything in including water bottles, jackets etc. Then can have hands empty to shop. Shiok! Plus can put in things you have just bought. Sounds good to have a big bag. Anyway bought what I wanted, i.e. Burberry Blue Label bag. :)

Bonus came into bank today. After deducting cpf, I got close to 12K. This is the very first time that my bank has got a 5 digit number and all the money belongs to me!!!! Next April still got some more coming in, maybe around 3K. Wahahahah.... so the very ultimate spendthrift me went on a online shopping spree. Went ebay to bid on quite a few stuff and then went Sephora to spree! In the end didn't get my D&G perfume cos I'm scared it will be like the Stila perfume like that... leak... then its like money leak out. And what if it cannot be exported out of US? Then waste money right? Pui... So better not. I think I can't get this brand's perfume in SG. Maybe got to find a way to get it in. Btw its not cheap. Ard $100 for 30 ml I think. Around same price range as chanel. The shipping costs from comGateway hasn't come yet. Maybe will make me faint.

Currently looking at Kate Spade's Maira Kalman bags. See above. Very cute hor. Costs US$200 from Ebay but not too sure if seller willing to send to SG. Got another one, same design but its in black... currently auctioning... See what the white bag person says first. Hehe... Anyway much cheaper than in SG auctions. Somehow SG auctions most prob get expensive stuff only. Lobangs are difficult to find. Only one gripe... the bag is made of canvas which means it can carry dirt easily. White canvas bags are really hard to maintain.

Anyway I just keep on having lemmings. Now trying to get Shu brushes and Guerlain Meteorites. Wahahahhaah!

Dunno why. Spent lots of money these few weeks. And finally decided to get myself a burberry blue label bag. See above. Costs S$370. A month plus back, was at $400. Wondering if I should have asked for $360. Maybe can get. Who knows?

Qn is when am I going to stop and what am I going to stop at? Its like I keep wanting more and more expensive things. As long as its nice, I don't really bother about the price. And I'm worried I'll get into debt. Like sign on credit cards and all and then no money to return. That will be disastrous. Cannot imagine myself getting into serious debt but if I don't control, this is a very true image.

Maybe I am not really happy with my life so I spend to make myself happier? Not too sure of the answer also. Maybe just want to own good things. Maybe just materialistic. Very scary thought. And the worse thing is, my wants never stop. I seem like a shopping demon. Yucks.

Btw many of my friends getting married le. Saw Lijun online on msn. She says she's taking leave 2 weeks later to prepare for her marriage. Wow... last time she couldn't find one that she likes. She's actually a very sweet-looking girl. And among her, qiuwen, huixian, huiwen and I, she got married first. Now come to think of it, its quite logical that its her first.

So fast, from what faculty u studying in to what job u holding to who are you dating and now, who are you marrying... topics change so fast, so hard to catch up. Not feeling too happy thou. hgedhngahng,mxa

Chit-chatting with him as usual. Talked about my Tibet trip with Huixian with him. Bought this Lonely Planet book from Borders. He also wanted to see this book and plan his lonely trip to Tibet. He prefers to go alone. And so he wanted to borrow my book first when I had bought it to plan for my trip. And I said I'll lend it to you after my trip cos I need this book to start planning le. Then he said he might just read the book then plan and leave next month or something. Put it plainly I am a bit angry. I bought this book for my trip and bought it now cos I want to start planning already. And now you said you want this book to read first and things like "then wo ze me ban?" Dun like it when things don't really happen as per what it is supposed to be.

Then somehow talked about this topic of putting your own interests first. I felt that he always sees himself as more impt and a lot of things that he does and says, its always geared towards his advantage. And he actually sees it the opposite. He says he feels that I put my interests first instead. When asked for examples, he said not that there's none, but he just he just doesn't want to bring it up. Sounds like those are really cases when I was real bad. Is that really so?

Maybe bah. Many times I felt that I am doing this and that for him and I complain in my heart. Maybe he saw through me. Maybe my facial expressions gave me away. Compared to him maybe I acted like as if I did many things but in fact I complained secretly to myself. Am I being true to myself? He doesn't act. If he is lazy he says he's lazy. He wants to be selfish and he acts selfishly. For me, am I just trying to be nice and then hide all my negative feelings? Or am I really so self-centered that doing things and then suffer a bit and I have to complain and feel like I am being short-changed? That I should be treated better. That he should be doing this this and that that instead of me. Why he didn't do this do that etc. Maybe all that were seen through bah. I should be more true to myself. And I should be a better person too. Don't always complain. Do things willingly. If don't like, then don't do. Do already dun complain, even if its complain secretly. It's bad. Bad for personality development. Morally too. Time to change.

I was very surprised when I tried to search online for fun places in SG and I found nothing. No sites to tell people where are the fun places and all. And I see posts of expats (mainly them) who tried comparing SG to HK and whatsoever places and SG seems like not fun at all. No wonder he always says so. Somehow SG is really quite boring. No places to go to. Only shopping malls. So sian, quite sad. The clever and bright people are all gone. To places that seemed more interesting. Somehow envious of those who can travel to other countries to work. Maybe its time I try to get out of SG. While I am still young. While I still can. While I still want.

And to all those who found SG to be boring... what is so boring? Is spending a day at home reading books boring? Maybe so for most. But after working for a week, isn't a rest what we want? Or do we have to go wakeboarding or bungy-jumping or climb a mountain?

And yah, I wan to go learn archery. Said it like many months back. Then its nov. And I haven't signed up. Pui.

21 months is up and I can finally get a new phone. My current one is rather slow and got some problems like sometimes no connection, people call and then can't get thru... but other than these, its quite ok. Exterior nice phone. I think I care about the exterior of phones a bit too much... really meh? But its going to be with me for at least 21 months. How can I just sui bian get one that's cheap? Then you see nicer phones around and then you regret for not buying that cos you want to save money. The feeling is not good loh.

But then again its really quite bo liao to spend so much money on a phone. The purpose of a phone is just to make phone calls mah. And to sms only. Once in a while take out in public place to use then if nice then wah! loh. That feeling is good de. Suddenly feel I am quite xu1 rong2. But its true mah. If you have nice and special things, its good. Who don't like special and nice things? And its like super dumbo to say that who and who is special cos she likes special things. DUH! If people can afford and can find, every single person would want loh. Who wants to be medicore and uses things everybody has? Who don't want to be special and stand out in the crowd? I think its very normal to like special things. SO SUPER DUH!

Suddenly feel that very simple things like getting a phone for myself becomes so complicated. Why har? 2 views, 2 extremes. 1 is that a phone will be with you for 2 yrs. So must get one you really like. Unless you are very sure, don't buy. But plan up liao leh... heart itchy to change. 2nd view is that a phone is only a phone. Why must get such high end one? Can use then ok already mah. It's true loh... but I dun wan mah. I want a nice nice phone. I want to get something I like. I don't want to compromise on something I don't really like for the cheap price tag. That's why I actually bear to spend money to buy nice bags, nice cosmetics, nice diaries, nice notebooks, nice clothes and every other things that are nice. Not that I don't know that nice things don't come cheap and money don't come easy. But people only live once in this identity. (Shall not dwell on whether there is afterlife) So if you can afford and you really like something, why not?

But then life is full of uncertainties. You never know what's going to happen and so money is the best tool. No matter what happens, it helps to have cash with you. And the pretty bags and clothes and all won't fetch you a single cent. Even if it does, it will never be as liquid as cash. So why not save up the money for something else? Something more impt, something that deserves the money more. Why spend on a phone? So just get some old model, pay a a few dollars and then get on with life. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See when then I can get out of this stupid dilemma. Stupid!!!!!