I said sorry to him. I cried while saying... Also dunno y... haha. But I definitely felt better. I guess I did wrong also... after fan xing...
And once again prove that crying actually helps relieve my sadness and stress a lot!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Jill Stuart Fall/ Winter 08 LE Illuminance Collection
This collection is beautiful!!! Its limited edition. Launching on 1 August. Not too sure if I can get it...
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Jill Stuart Infatuation
Saw something very pretty. Have always liked it... but never bear to spend the kind of money to get it. But hey I spent $85 getting a Shu LE eye palette!! But the Shu stuff are really good... so I guess its kind of OK to buy... but not often of cos.
Jill Stuart Brillance Eyes #4 Gem Amenthyst
Yah the one called #4. It's going to be discontinued soon. Feel like getting it cos I also feel its very pretty. Costs $77 to get it to SG. Quite near to Jpn's price. Can seriously consider.
Limited Edition Blusher...
I like the #2 one. Gold... very pretty hor.. the casing also very nice. Costs $69 to get it to SG. Add both tog, costs about $146. Gosh... But they are really very pretty... and once gone, no more le!!!
The LE freak Sze... this is probably a serious hobby for me bah. I think only people in CozyCot can understand this kind of mentality. Cos 90% of them are more serious than me oh!
Still in the lousy mood btw.
I'm like facing one of the worst bad moods for Year 2008 up till now. For some reason, I feel very difficult to get happy. Its some kind of moody inside. It started with a little angry and then it turned good. Then due to some misunderstanding btw him and I, everything turned bad.
Was it my fault that I didn't want to hang around to wait for him? But I smsed him to tell him that if I have to hang around for 4 hrs, I don't have that many things to do and I think I better go home. I was in that area till half an hour after I sent out my sms. Thou I arranged for some prata eating session with cc friends... but if he has indicated to me clearly that it would be good for me to stay around, I would. But I din get any response. And so I left. It doesn't make sense to wait till 6 pm at suntec for him and then he needs to leave at 7 pm to reach Novotel at 7.30 pm.
And for some reason, his thing ended early... want to meet me at 4 pm at suntec. Gosh... I'm already at prata place liao.
Obviously he got angry. And then it spoilt my day. For some reason, I then couldn't get happy again. No reason for me to smile, be happy or whatever. I just feel lousy. Am I in the wrong? I sms him saying sorry le. But he didn't reply. But am I in the wrong in the first place? If by logic, I think I am not wrong. But if its about 2 pple, then perhaps I should have waited for him, regardless of how late it is. Maybe its this contradiction that's making me moody. Why apologise or feel bad when logically I am not wrong? But I should have waited for him right? Despite the risk of having to wait 4 hrs?
There are times when he's too much and I get angry... maybe sometimes I am too much as well. I dunno. I'm just feeling moody. Wanted to write it down somewhere. Need to fa xie qing xu. Else maybe will sulk for the whole weekend. For this moment, I really don't like myself. I need a rest. I need to hide.
Was it my fault that I didn't want to hang around to wait for him? But I smsed him to tell him that if I have to hang around for 4 hrs, I don't have that many things to do and I think I better go home. I was in that area till half an hour after I sent out my sms. Thou I arranged for some prata eating session with cc friends... but if he has indicated to me clearly that it would be good for me to stay around, I would. But I din get any response. And so I left. It doesn't make sense to wait till 6 pm at suntec for him and then he needs to leave at 7 pm to reach Novotel at 7.30 pm.
And for some reason, his thing ended early... want to meet me at 4 pm at suntec. Gosh... I'm already at prata place liao.
Obviously he got angry. And then it spoilt my day. For some reason, I then couldn't get happy again. No reason for me to smile, be happy or whatever. I just feel lousy. Am I in the wrong? I sms him saying sorry le. But he didn't reply. But am I in the wrong in the first place? If by logic, I think I am not wrong. But if its about 2 pple, then perhaps I should have waited for him, regardless of how late it is. Maybe its this contradiction that's making me moody. Why apologise or feel bad when logically I am not wrong? But I should have waited for him right? Despite the risk of having to wait 4 hrs?
There are times when he's too much and I get angry... maybe sometimes I am too much as well. I dunno. I'm just feeling moody. Wanted to write it down somewhere. Need to fa xie qing xu. Else maybe will sulk for the whole weekend. For this moment, I really don't like myself. I need a rest. I need to hide.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I was feeling very upset and disappointed and actually cried cos I felt very unjustified.
I'm not sure if I ever blogged myself changing dept to marketting and sales earlier this year in March 08. Yah and then boss changed to a new one. Thing is, the change wasn't complete. It was a half half. Half of me transferred but half title of my old dept remained.
I'm 110% sure my new boss hated my old dept and supposedly everyone there. And I am one of them. Now piecing up the things that happened, realised that he never actually welcomed me to his team. Responses from him were lukewarm, we had nothing in common to talk about... In short, from the 1st day, I don't think he liked me.
Then after I joined his dept, then a new girl came. 100% for marketting and sales. Seems like he'll like her more cos she's 100% under him, can chit chat and he likes to talk to her more.
When he talks, seems like he's only talking to her cos he never looks at me. Makes me wonder if I am an audience. Or I just happen to be there and listening to what's never meant for me to hear.
Then today, new girl asked him about the budget. All the way he never looked at me while I stood there. Again, seems like I am 100% extra. After his long speech, I asked him what's my role. Then he said "good question" and then said he thinks I got to help out for budget preparation at my old dept. So if I want to help he cannot stop me. So he means that my heart is always not at my new dept lah?
Then I told him old boss nv told me I needed to help... then he said then that's good, then you can help us do the budget at this side. What is the meaning of "you can help us"? You mean I am just helping out? I am not in your team?
Then worse still, I'm taking leave on Monday... then some consultant called and asked to meet for lunch. He had no time but only Monday, so he arranged Monday. I mean I was the one who wanted to take leave, so if no choice go w/o me its OK. But you know what he did? He quietly went to tell new girl about the lunch. He spoke at a very soft level, meaning he doesn't want me to know. I thought it was basic courtesy to at least inform me that there's this lunch and cos he has no choice, so he had to go w/o me. By hiding from me... what's his problem??? I felt very upset and disappointed with him.
Frankly speaking, if I were to be under a boss like him, frankly speaking, there's no future. Why would you promote or train a person you don't see as your own team, and esp when you kind of hate people from that old dept? To be fair to him, I think I should talk to him about how I felt. But instincts tell me its going to make things worse.
Anyway I think there's no point in me staying in this company. Come to think about it, this place has nothing I want. If there's anything I miss, it'll be ah peh. Not too sure if one day, I'll complain about him too... well, you never know.
Conclusion: It's time to job hunt again!
I'm not sure if I ever blogged myself changing dept to marketting and sales earlier this year in March 08. Yah and then boss changed to a new one. Thing is, the change wasn't complete. It was a half half. Half of me transferred but half title of my old dept remained.
I'm 110% sure my new boss hated my old dept and supposedly everyone there. And I am one of them. Now piecing up the things that happened, realised that he never actually welcomed me to his team. Responses from him were lukewarm, we had nothing in common to talk about... In short, from the 1st day, I don't think he liked me.
Then after I joined his dept, then a new girl came. 100% for marketting and sales. Seems like he'll like her more cos she's 100% under him, can chit chat and he likes to talk to her more.
When he talks, seems like he's only talking to her cos he never looks at me. Makes me wonder if I am an audience. Or I just happen to be there and listening to what's never meant for me to hear.
Then today, new girl asked him about the budget. All the way he never looked at me while I stood there. Again, seems like I am 100% extra. After his long speech, I asked him what's my role. Then he said "good question" and then said he thinks I got to help out for budget preparation at my old dept. So if I want to help he cannot stop me. So he means that my heart is always not at my new dept lah?
Then I told him old boss nv told me I needed to help... then he said then that's good, then you can help us do the budget at this side. What is the meaning of "you can help us"? You mean I am just helping out? I am not in your team?
Then worse still, I'm taking leave on Monday... then some consultant called and asked to meet for lunch. He had no time but only Monday, so he arranged Monday. I mean I was the one who wanted to take leave, so if no choice go w/o me its OK. But you know what he did? He quietly went to tell new girl about the lunch. He spoke at a very soft level, meaning he doesn't want me to know. I thought it was basic courtesy to at least inform me that there's this lunch and cos he has no choice, so he had to go w/o me. By hiding from me... what's his problem??? I felt very upset and disappointed with him.
Frankly speaking, if I were to be under a boss like him, frankly speaking, there's no future. Why would you promote or train a person you don't see as your own team, and esp when you kind of hate people from that old dept? To be fair to him, I think I should talk to him about how I felt. But instincts tell me its going to make things worse.
Anyway I think there's no point in me staying in this company. Come to think about it, this place has nothing I want. If there's anything I miss, it'll be ah peh. Not too sure if one day, I'll complain about him too... well, you never know.
Conclusion: It's time to job hunt again!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Sze's life at the age of 24, going to cross over to 25
I kind of think that I should record down somewhere how I felt about some important issues in my life before I forget or that I have moved on to other bigger/ more important priorities in life.
1) Getting Married
Since young I always thought of like fairy tale romance and then getting married to a guy I really like then have a family and all. Then as I grow older, have relationships with a few guys then realise that getting married is not as easy as I thought it would be or as smooth a process. My first bf disappeared 3 times and then never came back. The second one was so possessive I could not stand him. If I could, I would probably be planning for my wedding with him. The next one I wouldn't want to say more cos I wouldn't even regard that as a relationship. It's all too absurd and looking back, I can only say I was really crazy. The next one is a tricky one. It happened at a time where I somehow felt like settling down but yet could not get any committment from him to do so.
Then I got to speak with my Uni prof Dr Yang Kun-Lin who somehow pointed out a point which I kind of missed it. Actually he and I... probably still wants to play. None of us are really serious in settling down. Actually I cannot imagine myself changing diapers when I still could go Japan, or China or US or Europe to travel and experience life in different parts of the world. I still haven't seen enough, done enough... so frankly speaking, do I really really want to get married? I think the thing is I only want to have someone with me... a husband I can call my own and my own little family. Yet I still want the freedom to go out and play, go overseas, go shopping and spend money.
For him, he still has his work ambitions. He wants to go overseas to work for a few years then come back to be a manager or something. I think he has the capability to do it. However, that would mean that settling down is not something he would consider. Or maybe its me. He doesn't want to settle down with ME. Maybe so, I don't know. But all in all, actually seriously speaking I am not ready to settle down. So before I settle my problem, I cannot really talk about his.
One point Dr Yang brought out was that the guy would only introduce the gf to his family when he wants to settle down. That would then strongly suggest that he doesn't want to settle down with me. I seriously think so. And he also says that after the couple has done the whatever, the girl will find it difficult to leave the guy... so a bad relationship just drags on. Life is difficult, I know. But got to bear with it! The worst things in life are often the best things in life.
2) Money
I think if I didn't spend like I did, I would be VERY rich. I would have much more savings that WS. He thinks he's very rich btw, having some tens of thousands. If I have saved most of my money buying all the other stuff which I don't really need (but want badly at certain point of my life), I think I would have much much much more savings than he did.
I think I don't appreciate money a lot. Recently really kind of woke up and want to restrain myself. Reason? I think I overspent. I suppose I don't have enough money in my bank to pay off the credit card debts and have to use my savings. This is really BAD! So I'm curbing myself... not to spend any money using cards until the next card cycle. Only so then I can accumulate cash.
I am too much of a spendthrift and when I see something I like, I always want to own it. Sometimes I get too carried away I just spend. And if I don't keep track, then I lose control and overspend like last month. I must keep this lesson in mind and stop myself from impulse buys or branded stuff buys. I MUST DO IT! and I MUST SUCCEED!
3) Work
I have been working for about 2 years already. Still in the same company. Still whining about not having the opportunity to go overseas and work. Still not moving on even though I know this company can't give me the opportunity. Still staying because the people here are nice and give me other opportunities. The overseas one I cannot blame, because its a local company.
4) Opening my own company
Every young person I talked to says they want to own their own company... after working for a few years. I don't know if this is the current trend now... but everyone doesn't want to work for someone. If everyone went to open a company, then no one will have the money to go buy the things u sell, dud. Then there will be no companies to make the things you want to sell and no one to work for you. Hahahah... In every 100 people who says they want to open own company, only maybe 3 went to open and maybe none succeeds. In every 1000 people, maybe one succeeds.
I belong to the 1000, I also want to open my own company. But an online one. I still want to hold a job... in case anything happens to the company, I still got a job to keep me away from hunger. Online shop also means I do not need to rent a space, hire workers etc. This plan really requires some thinking and of course what I can sell. Doing something I am interested in and something that can make money. I am not sure if I will be one of the 999 who just say and not do anything. If I am serious enough, I think I definitely have to do something.
5) Investment
I just started to learn more about investments with WS. We have been attending classes or free seminars to learn more... see what we can buy etc. I think I want to buy index funds... or in SG, we call it ETFs. Have put aside $3000 to do this. Since its big money, I need to make sure that I am fully ready. I really have an urge to buy NOW!!! And hold it for long term growth. I hope that the next time I come back to re-visit this issue, my wealth would have grown. : )
1) Getting Married
Since young I always thought of like fairy tale romance and then getting married to a guy I really like then have a family and all. Then as I grow older, have relationships with a few guys then realise that getting married is not as easy as I thought it would be or as smooth a process. My first bf disappeared 3 times and then never came back. The second one was so possessive I could not stand him. If I could, I would probably be planning for my wedding with him. The next one I wouldn't want to say more cos I wouldn't even regard that as a relationship. It's all too absurd and looking back, I can only say I was really crazy. The next one is a tricky one. It happened at a time where I somehow felt like settling down but yet could not get any committment from him to do so.
Then I got to speak with my Uni prof Dr Yang Kun-Lin who somehow pointed out a point which I kind of missed it. Actually he and I... probably still wants to play. None of us are really serious in settling down. Actually I cannot imagine myself changing diapers when I still could go Japan, or China or US or Europe to travel and experience life in different parts of the world. I still haven't seen enough, done enough... so frankly speaking, do I really really want to get married? I think the thing is I only want to have someone with me... a husband I can call my own and my own little family. Yet I still want the freedom to go out and play, go overseas, go shopping and spend money.
For him, he still has his work ambitions. He wants to go overseas to work for a few years then come back to be a manager or something. I think he has the capability to do it. However, that would mean that settling down is not something he would consider. Or maybe its me. He doesn't want to settle down with ME. Maybe so, I don't know. But all in all, actually seriously speaking I am not ready to settle down. So before I settle my problem, I cannot really talk about his.
One point Dr Yang brought out was that the guy would only introduce the gf to his family when he wants to settle down. That would then strongly suggest that he doesn't want to settle down with me. I seriously think so. And he also says that after the couple has done the whatever, the girl will find it difficult to leave the guy... so a bad relationship just drags on. Life is difficult, I know. But got to bear with it! The worst things in life are often the best things in life.
2) Money
I think if I didn't spend like I did, I would be VERY rich. I would have much more savings that WS. He thinks he's very rich btw, having some tens of thousands. If I have saved most of my money buying all the other stuff which I don't really need (but want badly at certain point of my life), I think I would have much much much more savings than he did.
I think I don't appreciate money a lot. Recently really kind of woke up and want to restrain myself. Reason? I think I overspent. I suppose I don't have enough money in my bank to pay off the credit card debts and have to use my savings. This is really BAD! So I'm curbing myself... not to spend any money using cards until the next card cycle. Only so then I can accumulate cash.
I am too much of a spendthrift and when I see something I like, I always want to own it. Sometimes I get too carried away I just spend. And if I don't keep track, then I lose control and overspend like last month. I must keep this lesson in mind and stop myself from impulse buys or branded stuff buys. I MUST DO IT! and I MUST SUCCEED!
3) Work
I have been working for about 2 years already. Still in the same company. Still whining about not having the opportunity to go overseas and work. Still not moving on even though I know this company can't give me the opportunity. Still staying because the people here are nice and give me other opportunities. The overseas one I cannot blame, because its a local company.
4) Opening my own company
Every young person I talked to says they want to own their own company... after working for a few years. I don't know if this is the current trend now... but everyone doesn't want to work for someone. If everyone went to open a company, then no one will have the money to go buy the things u sell, dud. Then there will be no companies to make the things you want to sell and no one to work for you. Hahahah... In every 100 people who says they want to open own company, only maybe 3 went to open and maybe none succeeds. In every 1000 people, maybe one succeeds.
I belong to the 1000, I also want to open my own company. But an online one. I still want to hold a job... in case anything happens to the company, I still got a job to keep me away from hunger. Online shop also means I do not need to rent a space, hire workers etc. This plan really requires some thinking and of course what I can sell. Doing something I am interested in and something that can make money. I am not sure if I will be one of the 999 who just say and not do anything. If I am serious enough, I think I definitely have to do something.
5) Investment
I just started to learn more about investments with WS. We have been attending classes or free seminars to learn more... see what we can buy etc. I think I want to buy index funds... or in SG, we call it ETFs. Have put aside $3000 to do this. Since its big money, I need to make sure that I am fully ready. I really have an urge to buy NOW!!! And hold it for long term growth. I hope that the next time I come back to re-visit this issue, my wealth would have grown. : )
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